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I don't think you'll be able to sing very well with Mike Ashley's cock down your throat. Might go a little more like "mmmmmm mmmm mmmm mm mm mmmmmm." Not quite as catchy.

I like to tug it , tug it, I like to tug it , tug it, I like to tug it , tug it, RITCHIE! Matty , physically fit, physically fit Physically, physically, physically Matty, physically fit, physically fit Physically, physically, physically.

If you don’t want Andy Carroll back, you’re a Tory. Those are the rules, I’m afraid.

I don't give a fuck, I still get angered by mugs falling for pr stunts though

Or a pizza

We’re a banter club now. None of this matters. Grab yourself a drink and a jester hat and shut the fuck up.

My mate seen him in the strippers just before we sold him. Took four of them home

At least Bruce will have a drinking buddy now. Who’s also a bit handy when theres aggro at the KFC after a night on the piss

Muto played 17 premiership games and scored 1 goal for us last season. Gayle played none and scored none. Likewise Joelinton (obviously), played none scored none, new to the league and all that entails. And we get Mr “very good when he's fit” (Played 12 scored 0 last season) Keep on keeping on Mike..... ffs

What a load of Shite. And people are sucking this up. No wonder we are where we are.

I keep reading that it's risk free. Riskier than actually buying somebody that might actually be fit and available when needed though right? It's appalling business. Our season rests on Joelinton being good enough and staying fit

Just wait until all the dumb fucks turning out at the Arsenal match realise that he isn't eligible to play on Sunday.

I refuse to let the club bully me with pr and nostalgia

Say what you want about his fitness record or the fact both his exit and return are down to the horrendous problems caused by our current owner, but personally I love that and would love it if he can get back on the pitch and contribute.

Given you didn’t rate Benitez, your opinion carries a lot of weight

He'd have been too old if Rafa had said he wanted him

The closest he’ll get to that pitch for 6 months.

Aye, it’s worrying that he’s seen as “competition” for Yedlin rather than someone to oust him completely and send him back to the MLS and the Cincinnati Beef Curtains or whoever he used to play for.

His arse exploded one time too many mid-flight and he got permanently grounded. I take it then, being French and what have you, that Mrs Trophyshy has a minge like Deano’s back garden?

I'm shacked up with a French bird, every day is like 'Allo 'Allo!, with gays instead of Nazis.

Your 3 year old hits your wife?

What a good description. I expect when Charnley slams his car door at SJP it all falls to bits just leaving the seats and steering wheel intact

In fairness j69 is technically a mackem and the Quiff is just off his heed.

If you’ve got time to post this you’re clearly a negligent father.

I could see Mike Hooper in it, tbf.

Now who's changing it

28 aye. Even better for me

Aye, Mrs Fish is still struggling. Just getting a 10lb baby into the carseat (+ however much that weighs)and into the car is a killer when I'm not around. We'd just leave it the car, but we've a mate who did that overnight and someone stole the car, had a joyride, set it on fire and nicked all the baby stuff was nicked or ruined and not covered by the insurance. So of course that's put the fear in her hormone addled mind that it's guaranteed to happen to us. Had to laugh when, just hours after the little fella was born, wife exhausted and post major-abdominal surgery the midwife came round to talk about contraception... I reckon that screaming monster in the cot is mood killer enough

We’ve just sold Perez to a mediocre Premiership side, that has ambition, for £30 million and couldn’t temp a Championship side, with ambition, to keep Gayle for £20 mil.

Fair does man.... but sadly not everyoe is having a laugh

Howay man woman man

Carroll one of us.

He's a crock man he's still a month away now and always breaks down again straight away. It's a nostalgia bribe because as a player he's shot.

It's a disgrace that he hasn't stepped aside at this stage. As much of a god complex as the rest of them.

He will keep the physios in a job anyway

They’ve missed off the clincher in the deal- two free water features and some shrubs.

He’s set to start banging them in like he was doing when he left, just took the 9 or so years since off.

And you don’t? The man is sex.

All we need is 3 worse teams and the job is done - BAU

ahem

They’re in for a disappointment and it means much more this time.

Bruce is a tactical genius and great man manager, I'm sure he'll make Krafth work.

Pretty incredible that Labour want an election at this stage. They're going to get fucking rinsed.

Amien to that, brother.

I’m not sure even many of us are feeling that pessimistic. I expect us to be down there in the relegation mix, but will we be worse than Burnley, Sheffield United, Brighton, Villa etc? I think we might end up 15th-17th, if the new signings hit the ground running. Reach for the stars

Tbf she gets to spend a lot of time with the bairn and hardly any with Fish so you can understand the rationale