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I very much appreciate the Looney Tunes nature of his death, there. I hope he tries to drive his car through a tunnel, only to find it's been painted on the side of a mountain by a road runner.

"....and then ah says, 'two Wongs don't make a White' and everyone was in stitches! Lol. After that ah ordered me usual chicken curry fried rice with chips. Wongy's sound though, loves the craic when we all pile in after a sesh for some scran. If you look at his beaming smile you might miss the tears welling up with happiness but when you're the Trinity mirror regional sports writer of the year you miss fuck all. Up here for thinking, doon there for dancing! Laters."

'Idea for FIFA. When a match goes to extra time both goalkeepers have to be replaced by outfield players.'

I asked for a PHOTO!!!!

I hope he goes off a cliff, keeps running for a couple of seconds in thin air, before plummeting. Maybe then being saved by some impromptu parachute before an acme-branded anvil lands on him

Yes, I'd recommend your posts to anyone struggling to sleep.

Honestly who cares? If he’s gone, he’s gone and good luck to him. I’d do exactly the same in his position.

...oversized sports direct mug

Here we go again.

Not sure how the fucker from Whitesnake has the inside track on what's going on tbf

The Only Way is Down.

Imagine if it was the pope? The headline could have been "Blast from Stromboli Makes Ravioli out of Captain Holy" RIP and all that.

I hope he foolishly asks Marco van Basten for an autograph and is subsequently barbecued.

I remember his sister well.... (1 min 18 😉 )

Fussy bastard.

i'm almost completely detached from takeover stories, manager stories and transfer stories. i just want to read a headline that the fat fucking cunt has fallen in to a wood chipping machine and has been sprayed all over hertfordshire.

Americans struggling with not being right condescending pricks is always a highlight of any sporting event that they've become good at, purely because nobody else can be arsed to go swimming that much.

Well at least there’s 11 men in England happy that their dinner will be on the table by the time they get in from work tomorrow.

LOL. Laters

“ House Special Chow Mein fo yee is it, Mala??? fuckin la-de-da! “

“ Divvent be shy with the prawn crackers, neither Micky lad!”

Everyone new here is a Mackem until proven otherwise. And even after being proven otherwise.

Needs to get together with Gene for a chat about how different and interesting they are compared to everyone else

i hope his fucking huge balloon pants get caught in a lathe and wedgie him so hard his arse comes out his mouth

Tbh I was wavering back and forth between trying to be helpful and also being really bitter about it

Has pulse. Absolutely.

Collecting Ayoze presumably.

Sell all our strikers and sign a manager who can’t setup a defence. neat.

Sure, why not. Who else can we sell while we’re at it?

See if anyone gets this.

Fortunately none of us give a fuck any more fanks to Mike. It's perfect timing!

What are you doing still up? Get to bed! Now!

Headlines don’t wrote themselves

Knight Ryder!!! How’s Micky and Mala?

That was John and Yoko, wasn’t it?

"Micky, wor kid! Order iz a taxi, man! Just tell them ah'll be ootside the chinkees having a tab if they ask."

Shut up you pair of fucking mackems

“Plan”

And those who aren’t mackems are all Paul Wynn.

I’ve never been a massive fan. Good instinctive finisher but no composure when give time. Saying that though he would be an automatic starter for us which says more about the state of our side. But to have your top two scorers leave and no manager or technical director in place to recruit replacements is complete incompetence. We need something to happen quickly or we’re fucked.

It’s a scouser on the wind up.

Normally, I'd not be bothered about losing Perez, especially considering he's not going to have Rondon next to him but history has shown that he won't be replaced. 12 goals is nothing to sniff at in the Premier League these days and when you add Rondon's 11, there's about half our goals gone immediately. Great planning as ever.

That's the best part of it. The difficult bit of the journey is the bit that's in Britain Also he's an MEP for North West England, which doesn't seem to be anywhere near Ipswich where he lives and would require a few train changes to get to. Also he calls himself "Dr" but he actually gave up on being a practising doctor after two years, which suggests - like this - that he's not very good at looking into what a job actually entails before signing up for it. Also he co-signed this letter in June 2016 about how leaving the EU would be terrible for the NHS. Also he's a cunt (sorry @catmag, lovely to have you back ). And yet he's still far from the worst the Brexit Party has to offer. God help us all.

Must be more cost cutting right? He seemed to be one of their better players last season, scoring a handful of goals and leading them to multiple magnificent failures.

I haven’t bought a new home shirt since 2007 and £65 for a one without stripes plastered with a massive sponsor isn’t convincing me. I got a 1960s shirt from Toffs, the perfect home shirt for me & it never goes out of date. £23 less than the new top and one immeasurably nicer.

I’m sure we all would as it generally means you’ve won something else.