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The secret diary of Lee Ryder (aged 44 and a half) Transcript of live feed Twitter broadcast. (Edited by the evening chronicle) Lee Ryder: "Welcome to our outside broadcast and today we're in the sweltering heat and absolute vastness of the Arabian desert to discuss the s**t hot news of the takeover at Newcastle United football club. I've flew out here to dig deep and find out about the movers and shakers but am taking time out to answer all my loyal punters questions at this crazy time in magpies history. Fire away!" Troopz1967: " I've heard it's all a parcel of s***e and fatty is even now chiselling all the lead off the pipes in St James' park to sell at the quayside market." Lee Ryder: "Alright, Troopz? Troopz, let me tell you, some of my sources here in Abu Dubai are Adam and the ants it's all happening, wor kid." MalcolmNUFC: "Have you got to any of them harem's yet you dirty c**t? Giddup!" Lee Ryder: "Not now, Mala, I'll bell you after. Laters." ChristmasTree@clubtropicana: "Will the Sheikh open up a fans social club?" Lee Ryder: "My sources say there'll be massive investment not just in the playing staff but also in the community. Get the domino cards at the ready, Christmas Tree!" AntCOYBIG@TaytoCastle: "Sure I'm not even from Newcastle but I can see Tynemouth Priory in the background. You're not in the middle east." LeazesLad: "It's DEFINITELY King Edward's bay. What a weapons grade f*** nugget this kid is. You could pick 100 random people in the toon and they'd have more clue than you. Not even joking." Lee Ryder: "Err, I can see your confusion, Ant. That's not Tynemouth priory, and I'm not on the beach at King Edward's bay, I'm in the middle east in the desert and that's an, err, old French foreign legion fort that was over ran by Arab warriors in 1865 or something." Josh@ThomsonHouseaccountsdept: "Hi Lee, just a quick one. I've got your expenses for an all day metro ticket to the coast for today but you'll need a receipt for your food and drink at the 'Gibraltar Rock'. Cheers, mate." Lee Ryder: "Err, I'll see you tomorrow at the canteen when I fly back from Abu Dubai, Josh." SheilaRyder1948: "Lee, I'm popping in to the Harbour View. Do you want anything for your tea? I just fancy a chippy. Love, Mam. X " Lee Ryder: "Well, err, that's it for now for my outdoor fact finding mission in the land of Lawrence of Arabia. Until next time. Laters." Lee Ryder: "Can you get me a carton of curry with my fish and chips, mam?"

I am still waiting for Lukas Ramsauer‘s take on it...

Q: What's the difference between the Sheiks of Dubai and the Sheiks of Abu Dhabi? A: The Sheiks of Dubai don't like the Flinstones, ..but the Sheiks of Abu Dhabi do.

Journalistic source says something negative: "Fake bullshit" Journalistic source says something positive: "OMG OMG OMG IT@S HAPENNINNG!!!!!one!"

Thats worse than mine

I think he’s done a Luke Edwards- him and Cock-eyed Mala went to Haggerstone Castle for a Northern Soul weekender and were last seen entering a caravan with two land whales from Wigan.

Someone told me that those meatheads were playing over the weekend but seems they aren't. Takeover confirmed.

I'm not sure I would want Robben or Mata. In their prime I would have taken them obviously. But our squad is built on hungry players giving 100% and fighting for each other. Chucking a superstar looking for one last big payday into the mix is only going to cause issues. We don't want to go back to the days of buying castoffs from big clubs (Owen, Parker, Duff, Geremi, Butt etc.) Most of them got us relegated and fucked off when we went into the Championship

For fucks sake man

Noelie- “ How about it, love?” Mrs. Noelie - “Turn me into a human lollipop”.

Honestly, I reckon he’d be over the moon if any of his web chats went that civil

Can we not just put Marina in charge of everything? https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/may/31/opium-drone-no-deal-tory-battle-conservative-leadership-race

This is Troops today sat in a lay by near Ponteland...

Oh, you sweet innocent.

:lol:

Hello everyone, the flood lights are on at St James. The sensible opinion is that they're removing advertising before the rugby starts but the outlandish opinion, and therefore the correct one, is that the new lads are tearing the Sports Direct signs down with their bare hands before we see them holding the shirts tomorrow.

“I’ve never touched flange” quality tbf.

They cheered one of them tbf.

let's get out of the season next league

Come on man, he needs an update