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Just to cheer everyone up

Also on the other hand, if there is truth in it that Kenyon and Cook couldn’t raise the money to make a bid it seems a bit stupid to me to go into negotiations. It would be bit like deciding to exit a political and economical union only to think about the consequences later though...

What's the 13 stand for mate? If you get any PMs off @t00nraider2 forward them to @Antor @Tom and tell a guardian

I’m sure he’d find something. “Not sure about this Aguero fella sure he scored 5 goals but could have had 6, if he had we’d have +89 gd instead it’s now +88. I still don’t know why Pep subs on Mahrez.”

There’s no way he could conclude negotiations without calling them sand coons at least three times and ordering in bacon sandwiches for a larf.

Our slow march towards the void continues. We've been better this season with literally any of our CMs in rather than Shelvey, he doesn't deserve a place in the 11 at the moment, given the fact he can't be arsed all too often and can be pressed out of the game quite easily when hes not in the mood I don't care.

....And why haven’t we signed that Serbian striker?

Aye but Noelie would have died three years ago on account of having nothing to moan about.

Which is allegedly what happened with the group that bought Man City. He went, spent half the time pissed and obnoxious, then kept moving the goalposts so they went and bought Man City instead. Could have spent the last 10 year watching David Silva instead of Jack Colback and Diame, we should absolutely be thanking Ashley though as he let the club spend a bit of what it brought in last time we got relegated due to his fucking about.

I'd heard Shelvey is an absolutely lovely bloke tbh. Funny what you hear

Aren’t all our players ageing? Aren’t all of us?

in bold as well

Free Solo, the documentary about Alex Honnold climbing El Cap without ropes, is showing on Nat Geo +1 at 9pm tonight.

If you were Ashley would you sell? Not a fucking chance. It's almost a licence to print money for the cunt. Free adverts and a profit in just about every transfer window. We NEED to get relegated and not promoted until he's gone. 2 years, 5, 10 - it doesn't matter.

There were three offers IIRC, one cash offer that was way below his asking price and others with clauses which would have seen him getting close to the money he wants in the end. He also complained about the negotiations getting nowhere but not answering to the offers. He then went public to criticise Staveley seeking publicity. I still think he is just shifting goal posts to look like selling and appeasing the majority of fans just to make sure he can always blame others for deals falling through.

Mitrovic, who you defend, has scored 1 goal per 9.5 shots this season. Just sayin' Edit: Perez's actual conversion is 1 goal per 8 shots

Well that’s Rafa out the door. If you have an asset for sale for years and no one wants to paying the asking price then maybe it’s too high a price?

The bubble thing is tragic btw. What a club of fucking whoppers.

Ffs. How do I delete this?

Nice graffiti.

More like Fat Earth, what with the rising obesity levels! Ha ha ha, hit like and subscribe

The torch experiment is an absolute joy to watch. “ Interesting… interesting…” You can almost hear the tinkling as the bloke’s entire belief system shatters around him.

The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half 16/02/2019 Oh this year we're off to sunny Spain! Y Viva Espana! EEEh ya fucka, diary. The things ah get to do in this crazy world of following NUFC just so me loyal punters get their daily fix of Ryder hot takes of life on the United beat as Olly used to say. Ah managed to get to Murcia via an easyjet flight to Alicante then bussed the rest of the way to the United camp, 'living the fucking dream' diary! Lol. When ah fund oot aboot the trip ah thought ah'd ring rund the lads and kill two bords with one stone which is something all us seasoned hacks know is the way to get the scoops. Anyways, ah bells cockeyed Mala and he let on that Pigeon chest Campbell was thinking of having a second stag do after his first got ruined by getting drugged and bummed by a couple of rent boys in Budapest after a prank got a bit oot a hand. Like Hannibal off the A-Team, ah fucking loved it when a plan got together and thought we'd ah'll gan on the piss after the friendly v CSKA Moscow where ah'd metamorf, meteormophis, err change into Balou with the NUFC stuff and only do the bare necessities with a Rafa quote, a player quote and a 'five things' bit before giving the Spanish senorita hinnies six nowt later on! Ah'd also gave one time Spanish Toon defender, 'Sore-finger-on-my-chip' Marcelino a bell asking him to turn up so ah could tek a photo of him as ah knew he lived close by. "Senor Ryder! I am having a family BBQ that day! I cannot make it, my old friend" he said on the phone. Ah then reminded him of a certain Thomson House cleaner called Jeanette and how Senora Marcelino might want to hear a few tales when he reluctantly decided to show up! (You have to be ruthless in this game, diary, kid gloves off). Anyways, after a shite kickabout ah got a couple of quotes, took 'fingers' pic then met the lads in Murcia toon centre. Ah'd already had a few chilled sangrias pitchside in the heat and mustn't have realised the potency as we headed oot. Ah was fucking rampant winking at the Iberian fanny and any holiday makers of the female variety. Ah was fucking mortal by the time we got to a nightclub and that's where these fucking Russian booncers set their lip up. "No! This one does not come in!" said fucking Ivan number one. "What ya talking aboot ya daft cunt! ah've anny had a few!" ah said trying to stand up straight. It was then ah noticed a CSKA tattoo on his knuckle! So, he was in the huff at not beating the mighty Mags in a friendly, eh? Thought he could mess with the former foot soldier of the Toon army? Ah was aboot to swing a punch when ah realised he was probably one of the MMA Russian hardcore hooligans. Ah thought to mesel that ah couldn't spoil Pigeon chest Campbell's second stag do after the first one went Pete Tong so ah let Ivan off the hook and we staggered to a brothel where even Cock eyed Mala got his end away and Pigeon chests arsehole remained unmolested! Lol. Anyways, flights to catch, NUFC stuff to write, Punters to keep happy! Ryder and fucking out.