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It was the precision take down of Noelie in the wolves thread that won me over tbh.

Errr none of that. Basically what happened was that 'toonraider' fella looked like a far bigger nonce so I moved Essembee over to a regular member rather than a 'mackem'.

A lot of teams were scared of us and weren't used to playing in front of 50,000 + fans. It's a bit different for the mackems as they're shite and half the ground is closed. So I think people almost jokingly refer to them as a big scalp, almost like it's an easy big scalp like getting 5 stars early on in GTA but you've done the weapons cheat.

At least the police had the good sense not to wear their high vis this time.

I think she wants to loosen up that burqa so we can settle the most important question: would she get it?

3+3 = 6 in a row, marra

Our version of Kicky the Can has two teams. The can had 5 sticks laid across the top, each team would roll/throw a tennis ball at the can to knock it over. Whichever team did this first would scatter and hide. The other had to stack the sticks back on the can, then find the other team. If a hiding team player managed to get to base and kick the can, all his captured team were freed. We’d play this for hours.

Tuggy I never played that til I was a teenager

The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half 16/02/2019 Oh this year we're off to sunny Spain! Y Viva Espana! EEEh ya fucka, diary. The things ah get to do in this crazy world of following NUFC just so me loyal punters get their daily fix of Ryder hot takes of life on the United beat as Olly used to say. Ah managed to get to Murcia via an easyjet flight to Alicante then bussed the rest of the way to the United camp, 'living the fucking dream' diary! Lol. When ah fund oot aboot the trip ah thought ah'd ring rund the lads and kill two bords with one stone which is something all us seasoned hacks know is the way to get the scoops. Anyways, ah bells cockeyed Mala and he let on that Pigeon chest Campbell was thinking of having a second stag do after his first got ruined by getting drugged and bummed by a couple of rent boys in Budapest after a prank got a bit oot a hand. Like Hannibal off the A-Team, ah fucking loved it when a plan got together and thought we'd ah'll gan on the piss after the friendly v CSKA Moscow where ah'd metamorf, meteormophis, err change into Balou with the NUFC stuff and only do the bare necessities with a Rafa quote, a player quote and a 'five things' bit before giving the Spanish senorita hinnies six nowt later on! Ah'd also gave one time Spanish Toon defender, 'Sore-finger-on-my-chip' Marcelino a bell asking him to turn up so ah could tek a photo of him as ah knew he lived close by. "Senor Ryder! I am having a family BBQ that day! I cannot make it, my old friend" he said on the phone. Ah then reminded him of a certain Thomson House cleaner called Jeanette and how Senora Marcelino might want to hear a few tales when he reluctantly decided to show up! (You have to be ruthless in this game, diary, kid gloves off). Anyways, after a shite kickabout ah got a couple of quotes, took 'fingers' pic then met the lads in Murcia toon centre. Ah'd already had a few chilled sangrias pitchside in the heat and mustn't have realised the potency as we headed oot. Ah was fucking rampant winking at the Iberian fanny and any holiday makers of the female variety. Ah was fucking mortal by the time we got to a nightclub and that's where these fucking Russian booncers set their lip up. "No! This one does not come in!" said fucking Ivan number one. "What ya talking aboot ya daft cunt! ah've anny had a few!" ah said trying to stand up straight. It was then ah noticed a CSKA tattoo on his knuckle! So, he was in the huff at not beating the mighty Mags in a friendly, eh? Thought he could mess with the former foot soldier of the Toon army? Ah was aboot to swing a punch when ah realised he was probably one of the MMA Russian hardcore hooligans. Ah thought to mesel that ah couldn't spoil Pigeon chest Campbell's second stag do after the first one went Pete Tong so ah let Ivan off the hook and we staggered to a brothel where even Cock eyed Mala got his end away and Pigeon chests arsehole remained unmolested! Lol. Anyways, flights to catch, NUFC stuff to write, Punters to keep happy! Ryder and fucking out.

Class match between South Africanand Sri Lanka. Amazing finish and win for the away team.

At least the sponsor adds some class to the aesthetic

Puma do some fucking lifting clothing. Bargain basement stuff.

Nay kids give up seats on buses anymore man. Wor lass over 8 months pregnant and the little bastard sitting next to me didn't flinch.