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Aye, I bet the Olympic Stadium was rocking when Man City pumped them 4-0. Stupid cunt.

Enjoy it while you can, we'll need a new FTA with New Zealand once we're out.

FFS, does that mean that between now and Christmas every night is pub night?

Back in 2 minutes, then?

This is what you need to know if you're dating a Sunderland fan Dating a Sunderland fan? Well, lucky you! Your life will be surrounded by red and white and the Stadium of Light will feel like a second home. But in order to make your relationship a success, there are a few more things you need to understand. We're here to help. Just scroll down and pick up several pointers on what to expect from your Mackem mate. 1. What MLF means If your partner is described as a MLF, it means they are a 'Massive Lads Fans'. Know that. 2. First love You're not and probably never will be. Their heart will always be with their favourite SAFC player of all time. 3. Quinn and Phillips No matter how strong you think you and your partner are, in their mind, you'll never be as strong as Quinn and Phillips 4. Hate Newcastle United Don't question it. You want Newcastle to lose at all costs. FTM... don't Google it at work. https://www.sunderlandecho.com/sport/football/sunderland-afc/this-is-what-you-need-to-know-if-you-re-dating-a-sunderland-fan-1-9470563

Incredible to think how Ashley’s mind works. A genuine world class manager landed in his lap. Not only that but he’s perfect in terms of being able to work within a tight budget whilst still taking the club forward with a bit of backing. Silverware without having to spend much wasn’t even out of the question. So, what does he owner do? Instead of working with someone who could’ve provided long term stability he just views Rafa as someone who’s allowed him to spend nowt until his contract runs out. He’ll probably let Nigel Pearson spend £60m in January 2020 as well.

I'm honestly starting to get anxious, he's here, he's posting but he hasn't mentioned it yet.

How long till essembee joins us to tell us how wrong we all are about Pickford?

I’m not drinking any fucking merlot

It’s really good, so long as you don’t mind being a ginger bint $20 for the whole thing is a steal. Edit; Rather than wait until completing the main game before doing the Frozen Wilds dlc, get to level 30, do the dlc, then finish the main game. Gives you some super duper bows for the final bits.

Imagine living in a country with easy access to products from neighbouring countries, eh? What kind of fuckwit would want to fuck that up?

The chronicle is fucking desperate but the Sunderland echo is another level of shit altogether.

And don’t forget to pick up your complementary blue drink and Callum’s sewpa chicken dippahhs on with way in to the pub/match/relatives tenement with your new Sunderland lassy Colleen, or new MLF Kevin.

Weird. Hes normally a drummer, isn’t he?

They missed off the bit about scat fetishes, and being willing to fuck a bushpig.

I get that people want to do something, but the utter futility of walking in 11 minutes late when the bloke already has your money. Stop fucking buying match tickets FFS.

Went to see TJ Miller do stand up tonight, wasn’t sure what to expect going into it, and it ended up being among the best stand up shows I’ve seen. I don’t know how much he travels for his shows, on account of him being a bit of a fucking maniac, but if you get the chance to see him he was definitely worth going to see. Special mention goes to the woman sat behind me though, Miller said existential crisis at one point and she said “what the hell does that even mean”, then towards the end of his act he said “this is a brief summary of the US Government” before screaming into the wrong end of a trumpet and shortly after I could hear her whinging “what did that even mean? That was not funny... in fact it was really disrespectful”

Aye, the bar was set so low for him in 2017 that it was seen as a victory for him that he avoided total annihilation. It’s not just the voting intention polls but he’s consistently behind Theresa May in who people want to be PM. She’s a walking fucking disaster and he still can’t land a glove on her.

We've had this conversation before but whenever you mention something like that I feel like you perhaps need reminding that he didn't win, if it was a perfect storm then...well it lead to this Not a labour government and not Jeremy Corbyn as pm

Aye but why is Ronnie O'Sullivan advertised? I've got a good story about him, I'll tell you tomorrow

TBF, If I was on the contract that Mourinho is on, I'd want the pay off as well. He could sit pretty until the Portugal job comes along. AFTER WE FUCKING CHIN THEM IN THE NATIONS LEAGUE

Overall we weren’t terrible but our quality was so bad in the final third that we were never winning that game. The quality simply isn’t there to even play to their limited potential every week. West Ham weren’t great and were there for the taking had we had anyone capable of scoring.

I guess it’s not even worth saying anymore but it really is time Ashley just fucked off. You can see Benitez is really trying his best with how he sets the team up, and his instructions. You can often see how they are meant to play but there’s nothing he can do about this extreme lack of quality in the squad. We very often have moves break down simply because of a wayward pass, and nearly every game defenders making bizarre decisions, attackers fluffing chance after chance etc. some games the players can pull it together and execute the plan, other days they just show their lack of talent. Dreadful by the team today. Personally thought Diame was tragic nearly every time he won the ball back well he would almost immediately lose it, it’s not even worth discussing the games Perez and Manquillo had. I’m just tired of watching players like Manquillo, Perez and Diame (I know he’s had a run of ok performances but by and large he’s a poor player) they are shit, we’ve known for years they are shit, Rafa knows they’re shit and yet we are still seeing the fuckers play every week because this fat, ugly, parasite that owns NUFC won’t let us bring anyone in.

Ssssshh, ssssshh.

Who grows tables? How? Also, how is table pronounced in Iceland, does it rhyme with “pyurk”?

A whole toe? No. A whole nail? Yes.

Inspired by El Duderino, I’ve ended up banging this out in the kitchen whilst I cook tea for me and Mrs.F.