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Bloke sidles up to Gloomy at the party… ” Got any pills, Doc?” Gloomy- “ Aye, multivitamins or ibuprofen?” Happy 40th, you dodderer.

Some arrests over the actual fire next please.

Weird to see Fulham at the bottom. They've got Mitro

I've bought this card for several people now. Life's short and shite enough, immaturity is one of the few free and simple pleasures it affords.

Sounds like you owe Troops an apology to me.

Exactly. If you're a return visitor to fireworks displays, you deserve to have one land on your forehead.

Was the MC any good though?

You’ve not mentioned their rip roaring, buccaneering genius of a centre forward who will definitely score the goals to get them to at least mid table, if not a European spot

Hope you’re all enjoying Guy Fawkes night.... https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/what-would-make-modern-day-4572848

Good luck to Jose Enrique in his cancer battle. https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/ex-newcastle-united-star-jose-15373099

Prediction - these will get a larger punishment than anyone involved in the actual tragedy.

Once you've seen one firework you've seen them all anyway.

bunch of grumps in this thread, if you hate fireworks you're doing them wrong. I get that dogs don't like them, my dog hates them as well.

Oh hold up, let me just savour all of this. He can’t score in a disciplined team, can’t score in a team where he’s allowed to do what he wants. Who’s fault is it next? Michael Jackson’s statue?

Smacks of jealousy this

i'm incapable of it. people kept asking me whether i feel any different. but honestly i don't. i mean, thers's some stuff: i've got a mortgage and two kids to keep alive, and i struggle to recognise the puffy, winkled face that greets me when i look in the mirror first thing in the morning. then there's the slipped disc in the back and the tendinitis in the knee and the receding hairline. other than that, i feel as irresponsible and as immature as ever. is there ever a point in life when you start to feel like a proper grown up? i have imposter syndrome at work, and at life generally.

Happy birthday. Now get off the skateboard, take off the cans and start growing old gracefully.

Worst goal difference in the league too, which is odd as I read on here that having 11 players that'll maintain shape and discipline doesn't matter.

You sure you haven’t had both your balls removed?

This was absolutely class, so much so the cinema applauded it at the end. I felt like it shed A whole new light on certain issues, one the right wing loons should perhaps look into.

Fireworks are fucking shite. Especially on estates. They have been going off since 4, the dog is absolutely terrified and I’ve got to go out in half an hour. Going to have to take her to a mates so she isn’t on her own.

The only bit that might happen is spending some money in January but the only motivation will be that he’s worried about relegation

Don't forget to factor in a time machine so the kids will get those references. One of the keys to kids' books is good illustrations, that where you will need to pay someone.

Off to watch Peter Jackson's WW1 film this evening. It's amazing what they've been able to do with the footage given.