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Cancer free. Bring me all the beers!

Excellent! My Mam just had scans, bloods etc and there's no trace of her cancer cells after her Op and chemotherapy too. It's a relief.

Not sure if I've posted it before but..... Queen Victoria gets shown around the field hospital in some far flung part of the empire to boost the morale of the wounded soldiers, a finely moustachioed Sergeant Major showing her around. (Wails, moans!) QV: "Oh my goodness! What is wrong with this poor fellow?" SM: (Shouting) "Hemorrhoids, Ma'am!" QV: "Oh dear. What is the medical treatment, Sergeant Major?" SM: (Shouting) "Wire brush and dettol, Ma'am! Scrub it out of 'em!" QV: "Oh dear, that sounds very painful. What are your hopes my good man?" Groaning Soldier: "Arrgh! Nnnnnn! To, (gasp) get better and, arghh....fight for Queen and country, your Majesty." QV: "ooh that's so nice of you, here's a medal for your bravery." She pins a medal on his chest and moves to the next bed. (More wails, moans and groans). QV: "Oh my goodness! What is wrong with this poor chap?" SM: (Shouting) "Crabs, Ma'am!" QV: "Oh my goodness. What is the medical treatment, Sergeant Major?" SM: (Shouting) "Wire brush and dettol, Ma'am! Scrub it out of 'em!" QV: "Oh dear, that sounds very painful. What are your hopes my good man?" 2nd Groaning Soldier: "Arrgh! Nnnnnn! To, (gasp) get better and, arghh....fight for Queen and country, your Majesty." QV: "ooh that's so nice of you too! Here's a well deserved medal for your bravery." She then moves on to the end bed and Wee Paddy of the Irish Guards. (More wails, moans and groans). QV: "Oh my goodness! What is wrong with this poor fellow? He doesn't look too well at all!" SM: (Shouting) "Tonsillitis, Ma'am!" QV: "Oh dear. What is the medical treatment, Sergeant Major?" SM: (Shouting) "Wire brush and dettol, Ma'am! Scrub it out of 'em!" QV: "Oh that sounds so very painful. What are your hopes my good man?" Paddy of the Irish Guards: "Arrgh! Nnnnnn! To, (gasp) get, (arrrgh) the wire brush and dettol before them Dorty bastards, Ma'am!"

Bloke walks in to a bakery with a salmon under his arm, ” Do you do fish cakes?” ” No, sorry, we don’t ” says the baker. “ Shame.…” says the bloke, pointing at the Salmon. “It’s his birthday”.

I’s shoot Ashley twice to make sure.

Two of them already dead mate so one would be enough

Just don’t take the piss by getting it a third time.

Congrats to all!

People from manufacturing areas like Sunderland falling for shit like that, spoken from a shithead like that. You know it seems to be becoming obvious the only way we can really recover from where we are now is to have a proper no deal Brexit. Planes grounded, medicines shortages, food shortages, the lot. That's what it's going to take now for people to wake up and see they've been had. The collateral damage will be horrendous, but I'd expect we'd be begging for a deal after a couple of weeks civil unrest. The economy would take years to recover, another Tory lost generation. But maybe, just maybe, we could get rid of those cunts forever.

That was fucking embarrassing. I think she's been watching Independence Day and decided that this was her chance to stand up to the aliens. She's so so weird.

Don't they realise you're meant to put a condom on your bell end? Not the other way round

Cheers lads. Going to enjoy all my vices next weekend, got my mates coming to manc for my bday. Just waiting for some pubs to open and I’m off out

@Christmas Tree I can see you lurking.

https://www.opendemocracy.net/sunny-hundal/labour-won-t-support-brexit-their-critics-are-ignoring-all-clues

Hey, @Christmas Tree