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He's cool as fuck, he knows how to handle any situation. Window's closed, it is what it is. Pointless going off it two days before the season kicks off, all focus needs to be on the game now. I still think we have a solid starting 11 and adequate back up so let's just play to our strengths and fuck everybody up that stands in our way!

'Mixed news, unfortunately it doesn't look like Marlon Santos will be walking up the hill to the cathedral on Barrack road. However ah managed to win the meat draw at the Seaton Deleval social club last night and am fucking certain Sandra behind the bar is after my sword of many delights. She said she luvved me new duffel coat. Fucking getting it!!!'

Further evidence, your honour.

He should be shot in the head and then they should just pretend it was a hoax

The status quo for Newcastle when it comes to transfer windows (and most other things tbh) is frustration, and this window for the most part has been no different. There was actually some decent business done for us. Yoshinori Mutō looks to be a player who will bring additional pace and dynamism to us in a variety of positions. He's not going to score a load of goals, but hopefully his energy will create space and chances in particular for Rondón. For me Rondón is a clear improvement on Mitrovic, not surprising given he's a fair few years older than the Serb. He has the physical presence of Mitrovic but adds significantly in the effort and movement stakes and the fact that he's played consistently in this league means that despite the lateness of his arrival, he should still be able to hit the ground running. Only being on loan is cause for concern though, I'd have to imagine that there is a forced option to buy for us if certain criteria are met, otherwise he's out of contract with West Brom at the end of the year and will leave for nothing. From everything we know of Ki Sung-yueng he should be a consistent performer in midfield when called upon, perhaps necessary if Diamé doesn't pick up where he left off. Ki should work well alongside Shelvey, or when necessary paired with Diamé. It's fantastic to have Kenedy return, we're a much more threatening side with him on the pitch. The key for me is that he's still a hard worker defensively. The frustration here is that we didn't sign him permanently. Realistically it will take Fabian Schär a while to adjust to the increase in pace and general physicality from Spain. He's a well regarded player but only time will tell whether he's a good fit at Newcastle and in the Premier League. The loss of Lejeune for at best most of the season is a huge one, but will afford Schär and Clark more of an opportunity. The last minute arrival of Fernandez is a key one. Without him we'd have been relying too much on Clark and Schär. I'd expect now Fernandez will slot in alongside Lascelles and Clark and Schär will provide the cover, or perhaps Rafa will give Clark and Lascelles a few games together first with Fernandez at the ready to come in if Clark doesn't take the opportunity. It's a difficult one with Clark as he has looked a very good player on occasion, but he's also shown that he's got a few errors in his game. Once again the ability of our defense to keep out goals will be critical to our chances, we're unlikely to have vastly increased our goal scoring ability with our purchases. The permanent signing of Dúbravka was a no brainer, not even Charnley could get that wrong. A window of frustration could quite easily have been a positive one if it saw the money from the mutually beneficial sale of Mitrovic reinvested along with some of the additional TV earnings. For me I'd have been relatively happy with the window if Rondon and Kenedy were signed permanently and there was an additional purchase of a quality number 10 (20 million pounds plus). We'd still be short of strike power up top, but critically it may have been enough to keep Rafa happy, and more likely to extend his time here. Instead, it will go down as yet another wasted opportunity for the club to move in the right direction. At this rate the next step will be for Ashley to continue his gamble, bringing in a low pedigree or washed up manager on a significantly lesser contract.

‘Stick your name to this statement and we’ll give you your bonus sheet’.

We must be the only club in the world that has to write statements promising that we're actually going to try

This from Jonas Ashley , one thing, you dont understand newcastle, you dont understand The fans and The city. We deserved more. We are The geordie nation

I am off work after having cancer treatment with nowt better to do and even I won’t be reading an article about referees, especially with facts and figures.

Aaaand, why is Rutland blank? Has this bloke never heard of The Rutles?

Also, who the fuck are China Drum?

How aren’t Pink Floyd on there? Wasn’t DSOTM on the album charts for 600 years or something?

Rafa has added some experience to the side which is a small positive of this window. They also seem to be hard working characters which may prove crucial when scrapping at the lower end of the league. Goals were our problem last year and they'll continue to be this year I would suspect, unless one of the new additions surprises us. I have a feeling that Perez is going to have a good season so hoping that he hits the ground running. Despite all our shitty dealings and continued misery, I'm still looking forward to another season and just hoping that someone decides to buy the club .

Fucking hopeless At his job, Momentum seem To love this knob

beach bar I was in the neet playing loads of old soul and funky shit.. sunset and bill withers.. class.