Leaderboard

It's called the post divorce Benidorm groove

When the last of them to try and use "6 in a row" to win an argument realises that it just makes them look fucking stupid given the situation they're in. When we went down we were derided for our arrogant belief we'd bounce right back up, but objectively we had the best manager in the league, he'd spent well on a squad, rather than buying big names, we had a core spine to the team that was at best lower Premier League, at worst top Championship and most importantly we had few arseholes and a good number of hard-working solid professionals. It then transpired we had one of the best strikers in the league, the best right winger (Knockaert can suck my plums), the best Central Midfielder, the best defence in the league and so on. Our "gambles" paid off on the whole; Atsu, Clark, Hayden, Murphy, Yedlin, with only really Lazaar and Sels being total failures. They've gone down and are now stuck with their 3rd choice manager who is bang average in the Championship, a man who's not been backed anything like enough, regardless of their healthy transfer income. He's signed fairly well known names, rather than addressing key weaknesses in the team. After relegation they were left with a team that was at best top Championship, at worst League 1. Only Lamine Kone is good enough for the Premier League on his day, and he clearly couldn't give less of a shit. They haven't a reliable striker, any real creative spark and a leaky fucking defence. None of their "gambles" have paid off. All that said, I still think they've enough in their squad to survive, but that that is even up for debate is a damning indictment of the way that club has been run into the ground for years. The warning signs were there, flashing stark cautions into the wearside gloom, but every season those signs were eclipsed by the spotlights shining on the derby wins, the relegations or whatever else was happening at circus that is Newcastle United. "You finished on 39pts and would have gone down if.." "DORRRRRTY KNEEEES! Horse Punchers!" "You failed to get 40pts again and all your points came in th..." "Borini is class marra! 3 in a ROWWWW!" "This is the 3rd year in a row that you've failed to get 40pts, aren't you worr..." "HE SHAGS WHO HE WAAAAAANTS!" "4yrs out of 5 you've been involved in a relegation fight." "Wis sent yiz dooon! 6 in a row! Yis are gutted! Yiz'll be down for years, Benitez won't stay and it's a pub league." "You've been relegated, there are persisting rumours about administration and you're in the bottom 3 of the 2nd flight." "6 IN A ROW!"

I think their main problem is they're used to losing. With low morale. And the poor squad, with no-one to lead the line. And the shite manager. And the lack of investment. And their shocking home record. And the players' drinking culture. And their half filled stadium. Apart from that, I can't think why they struggle.....

Not knowing where your next pair of soiled knickers is coming from is trivial tbf.

There's some proper damaged fuckers on here mind Makes my minor anxieties seem trivial

You'd hardly notice with the amount of empty seats already. Also they're not a big enough club for Sky to report it on as no other can in the country gives a shit about them.

Thought this topic was about good ol' Freddy Shepherd, not Michael (the wanker) Owen.

Meanwhile, finally an analogy that Tory MPs will understand:

i loved watching warnie in his pomp, even when he was skittling us out.

Liked this analogy from a guardian commenter: "But, it is how the US works, especially with an 'america first' president. They keep us sweet and humour us about the special relationship, but only because that makes it easier for them to get better deals that are in their interest, not ours. So, for all the misty eyed brexiters dreaming of our golden future trading freely in the world with our buddies in the US watching our back - this is the reality of the future you want for us. We'll be a one small kid in a big playground full of big kids, we might wish it were otherwise, but that will be the reality. All those big kids will look after themselves first, some will merely drive a hard bargain, some will get us in a headlock and take our lunch money, and some will pretend to be our friend so they can get us alone and give us a rogering. I've never thought the EU was that briliiant, but it was better than these alternatives."

He was dead off-hand with the fans and the club well before we went down as well. We were treated as a vehicle for getting him right for the World Cup so it's appropriate that tournament basically finished his career and, with him being on England duty, meant that we got compensation from the FA. The little cunt. Ant and I used to argue about him and Martins with me being in Owen's camp and him in Martins' and we basically both came round to the same way of thinking, i.e. them both being pisstaking wastes of space.

I'd be happy for 51% of them to lose their own lives

Had a rough one, eh? This one's for you, wor kid......

One of the problems with the system I suppose. No actual voice of opposition until campaign $ea$on.

They may possibly know a lot about football in a vacuum but their pure, undistilled hatred for Newcastle United completely blinds them to any kind of objective thinking. Now, these are people with jobs and positions of responsibility - maybe they're a doctor or a lighthouse keeper. These are people with children, tasked with the job of siring a child and instilling them with values that will make them a respectable human being. These are daughters, sons, mothers and fathers; people with their own waking thoughts, neuroses, fears and hopes. Another simple cog in the mystery that is human existence. And I, for my sins, spend a lot of time pondering these grand questions. Why are we here? Why is life this wondrous mystery that we burden with such mundanity? Why are we loaded with a mind that can't switch off, even for a second, as thoughts, emotions, anxieties and disappointments encompass our every living moment? What makes any one human different from another? Is it gender, race, sexual orientation or simply enjoying pineapple on pizza? For me, no matter the answers to those questions, I take one solitary solace. As I run the gamut of inexplicable human emotion in my life, I will never - not once ever - even in my darkest moments, even when fuelled by momentary passion, hatred or spite - be so wrapped up in vile hatred that I could convince myself that Simon Grayson is a better football manager than Rafa Benitez.