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Someone must have told Kelly it waa fancy dress and he's gone Kim Jong Un. Classic Kelly.

A day out at the stadeyem of Light.

We’ve got a better chance of winning the FA Cup than Liverpool have 👍🏻

6 years after we lost our infant girl inexplicably to SIDS, the missus and I welcomed a baby boy today. Absolutely elated and terrified in equal measure

A-RAM-Co?

It’s mostly the accent tbf.

Did you all play twister afterwards? Narrator: "And so after his origin story The Fishman did battle with his arch enemy, Wolfman. The opprobrium was writ large on the face of the senior Fishes as they wondered how it has come to this? Farken." Wolfman: "Ow! Dave you stood on my hand!" Fish: "One could argue, Neil, that your hand slipped under my foot if I were being obtuse, certainly the Xf to Xh ratio would suggest either is as likely as the other."

Twitter being a fucking hellscape isn't news, but the weird reaction to the reaction of Almiron's transfer is fucking awful. People rightly, imo, wishing him well and looking back on his time fondly. Straight away you've got edgelord cunts calling him shit and being delighted to see the back of him. The lad worked his bollocks off every time he pulled on the shirt, he never complained (to my knowledge), always played with a smile on his face. It's not like he's been sat on his arse, picking up a massive wage while acting the cunt. Don't understand the opprobrium.

Going to lower league opposition making 8/9 changes and winning isn’t for everyone tbf

Got to say, haven't been this nervous of a semi since I watched broke back mountain.

Steve Bruce was manning the phones at 10.30pm on deadline day trying to get a loan deal across the line for Hamza Choudhry. That's the sort of work ethic we need. Time to roll your sleeves up, Paul.

"Stevie, mug righter, all knowing weight scale of all the fanbases, are you there? Give us a sign, wor kid."

He walked away from Man U with a £4.1m payoff. Not bad for five months work.

Brothers funeral today, liver is going to take a beating worse than Arsenal later

Apart from the Wham hoodie reference my favourite bit of their tarted up account (that is effectively adjudged to be inaccurate) is this appended on the end: "It should be noted that Mr Tindall also displayed this type of behaviour last season at our match at Villa Park." Mr Emery can you please show us on the doll where he shushed you.

Gemmil at his desk this morning. Make Mitch Great Again

Makem. Joined just to post this. Nee rivalry shite here. RIP Alan Shoulder. Lived the dream we all had of playing for his club. Sad, sad day. A good man, and a life well lived.

"Dear recruiter I wrote you, but you still ain’t callin’ I left my mobile, my pager and my home phone at the bottom I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not’ve got ’em There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin’ Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot ’em But anyways, fuck it, what’s been up, man? How’s your daughter? I read you'd seen my twitter feed and thought you'd not bother..."

"IT'S A FUCKING MAG-A-THON WITH LEWK EDWARDS AND DAWN THEWLIS THE FUCKING MAG BIIIITCH! FUCK YOU, LEWK NORTH! FUCK YOU! EFFFFFF TEEEEEEEE FUCKING EMMMMMMM!!!!"

"Well how was that, Evan? Your first game at the Stadium of light as a Sunderland player, tell us about your emotions?" Evan: "Well to be honest I haven't quite took it alll in yet, before I came up here I was told all about the special atmosphere they can create up here and you kinda think yeah, ok, but you have to actually experience it, I mean, no disrespect to Brighton fans who were great, but when we played shit you'd get a smattering of boos but here? Wow! It's deafening, even if we've done ok but just drawn and let in a late equaliser the whole crowd go crazy, one even patted me on the shoulder when I went down the tunnel saying he hoped I'd fuck off back to the IRA and never play again for his club! When I explained I only came on for the last two minutes as a sub he just carried on booing in my face. You don't get many fans like these up here, they're a special breed, I even thought it was amazing the confetti reception the team got at the beginning of the match but thought it strange when it was still happening during the game but when some blew off the pitch near the dugout I was amazed at how fanatical they were as they'd even utilised stuff like crisp packets and mars bars wrappers to show their appreciation. Even the black opposition striker had a lump in his throat when he saw how the crowd's friendly chanting towards him had moved his watching mother to tears. I'll never forget them when the loan spell ends." "Will that be at the end of season?" Evan: "No, it'll be next week when I ask Brighton to terminate my loan deal."

Huh.... OK THEN.

This has legs.

Well I got the job! So am about to take a 20% pay cut, lose out on my bonus due next month (£10k, fucking timing) and begin my career again in the public sector. And I couldn't be happier. Would not recommend working for a US company.

Knight Ryde with the latest news.

You'll have to toughen up if you want to last around here, you massive cunt.

My sister and her husband, lets call him Neil do that. Never forget sitting with them at a Christmas meal and Neil is a bit shy and quiet. So to put him at ease I ask him about LARPing and he tells me that his character is a Wolfman and is the leader of his clan. I ask if that's like a werewolf and he looks aghast "A werewolf?! They can only change in a full moon, I can change whenever I want!" Looked at my Dad for help and he just kind shrugged sadly and refilled our glasses.

Keegan and Howe, whilst vastly different in terms of personality and methods, are both in the same bracket for me as far as club standing is concerned. Keegan’s managerial achievements here are rightly revered- it was his first management job, and he took us from the brink of oblivion to the brink of ecstasy. It can’t be overstated how he utterly transformed this club -yes, SJH’s money was a necessary factor, and he deserves some credit, but without Keegan none of it would have happened. The sheer joy and pride he instigated, not just in the club but about the city in general, was incredible and we’re still reaping the benefits of it. Given the precarious position we were in when he came, to do it by employing a stingy, defensive approach would’ve been eminently sensible and understandable. But, no - fuck that! He virtually wrote the definition of cavalier football- “ ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK!” Ultimately, for a multitude of reasons, he didn’t get us that elusive trophy we absolutely deserved under him, but… … It doesn’t matter. His place in our history is assured and thoroughly deserved. I fucking love the bloke. Eddie came in with the club in a similar situation at first- The Cabbage had sucked any joy out of both the fans and the players, and we were only heading in one direction- that’s not even open to debate. The joy of the takeover was very much tempered by the stench of Bruce stinking up the place, until he got ditched. If we’re honest, most of us were probably a little underwhelmed when Eddie was announced as gaffer, and the players he inherited were so unfit, uninterested and uncoached it’s no surprise he struggled to get the first win under his belt, but then… …in four months from him taking over, he got us 20 points from 14 games, finished 11th, becoming the first team in PL history not to be relegated having not won their first 14 games. Like Keegan, he gave us back the pride and the joy of not only our club, but our city. He’s done it differently, but no less remarkably- his transformation of BUJ07 from a figure of ridicule in to FUCKING THANOS remains for me his greatest achievement so far, but he’s gone about transforming the club, the players, our style, our respect and standing, and crucially, our expectations in a manner that no one else but Keegan has done. The thing that excites me about Howe is that I totally believe his best is yet to come with us. Keegan’s place in our hearts is cemented in and assured, Howe’s has absolutely rock-solid foundations but is still being built on. And I fucking love the bloke.

The Ballad of Wykiki "But where do you go to my loveleh? When you're with that Callum int' bed Tell me t' thoughts that surround you I want to look inside your head, yes i do. I remember the back streets of Leeds Two young tykes begging in't rags Both touched with burning ambition To shake off their lowly-borne tags, they try So look in thy face Marie-Claire And remember just who you are Then go and forget me forever But I know you still bear the scar, deep inside, yes you do I know where you go to my loveleh When you're with that Callum in us bed I know the thoughts that surround you 'Cause I can look inside your head."

sounds like the day out from fucking hell to me.

Puma suedes are a classic shoe. I understand that news may have not got through to Ballykissangel just yet though

Absolutely delighted to see that they think they've been hard done to. Also I don't know what Slot said to the ref, but he went up to him, shook his hand and said something, and as soon as Michael Oliver had his hand back he produced the red card. So the stupid cunt has obviously thought he can make himself look like a great bloke for the cameras whilst sticking the boot in on the ref. Shiny headed knob.

The whole squad should get off the team bus wearing them.

So the “HELLO TO ALL FELLOW CUNTS ON TOONTASTIC.NET #STANDUPWIPERSARESCUM” banner will be approximately in the position indicated by the arrow below

I am now waiting for the majority of PL clubs agreeing on a ban of Wham hoodies tbh.

https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/newcastle-uniteds-jason-tindall-confronted-30975523 "Both clubs and Victor Manas admitted to their respective charges, and Jason Tindall denied the allegation against him. The Regulatory Commission imposed a £30,000 fine and warning upon Aston Villa, a £20,000 fine and warning upon Newcastle United, and a two-match ground ban and £4,000 fine on Victor Manas. The Regulatory Commission found the charge against Jason Tindall to be not proven, and he will face no further action." Classic. The whole read reflects rather poorly on Villa and their staff including Unai Emery. Also appears that they were wound up by his Wham hoody and they threw in an equivalent to "he's been doing it all game ref". Poor diddums. Howe and Tindall just trying to do their jobs should not have to deal with such violence in the workplace.

Renton and wykiki coming face to face in London, definitely no pun intended....

And me.

7 in a row

Newcastle through to a cup final and some lads decide to celebrate it by discussing the merits of Health and Safety in the construction industry. Has anyone put their finger on why we don't attract new members to Toontastic?

‘Right, this Yorkshire lass is a right squirter, hence the need for the goggles. Now I want you to dive right in there and give it your best and for fucks sake don’t rule yourself out for the next eight weeks with a tongue injury like Callum did.’

The Alexander Isak thread this morning...

aye. my mate from blyth who you've met can't stand murphy, he's dug himself in to such a hole with his stance that he can't even bring himself to acknowledge he's been a revelation of late. I take great joy in texting him.... 'murphy man of the match again today mick? doesn't even bother responding now.

Will miss him. Favourite Miggy moment. Middle of his hot streak where everything he hit with his left was going in, Spurs away Joelinton bows to polish his boot...Miggy the gormless twat lifts his right foot up. Joey's reaction like, "not that foot man you daft twat".

You really have missed your vocation in life Well, you probably walked out of it

Wykiki, on holiday 2028.

I used to go out with a girl who worked at Polydor records. One day she rang me up and said meet me at the Brixton Acadamy tonight but wouldn't say why. Got there and there was a queue of teenage girls outside, wierd I thought It was a couple of nights before Wham were playing The Final Day at Wembley and they were playing a secret warm up gig and this girl hadd a couple of record company passes I though it would be a bit of a laugh but to this day it's the greatest gig I've ever seen. They started with Everything she Wants and the noise was just unbelievable. Lights went down screaming started, 2 spotlights picked out their arses twitching from side to side, place just went insane. Whole thing was fucking wild, watching from record company free bar with record company grade coke. What a might. Loved Wham ever since